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Tips for Getting Along with the EX

Taken from Dr. Judith Ruskay Rabinor, Ph.D. here are some tips for developing a better relationship with your former spouse:

1. Create a vision of the family you want to create. You are no longer married but you can still be a family. Create the new relationship you want in your mind so that you know what you are trying to achieve in reality.

2. Learn to pause. Before talking to your children about your ex, before talking to your ex, before talking about your divorce to anyone, take three deep breaths. Stay away from bad mouthing your ex. It will help you feel better.

3. Practice letting go. Let go of the past. When you find yourself reviewing what went wrong in your marriage, imagine a red light. Befriending your ex is a new beginning.

4. Practice forgiveness. None of us are perfect. It’s important to forgive yourself and to forgive your ex for what went wrong. Or when you remember things you did in the past.

5. Practice gratitude. For example: “Thank you for spending all that time shopping with Jeannie, she loves the dress you bought her.”

6. Practice appreciation. The two most important words in the English language are “thank you”. Remind yourself to thank your ex for everything. For example, “thank you for bringing the kids home on time.”

7. Change occurs one small step at a time. Take risks. Invite your ex to join you at a parent conference. Ask her over for Thanksgiving. Offer to bring him groceries if he is ill.

8. When in doubt, take the high road. It will pay off because you will know you have done what’s needed.

9. Create new rituals that will keep your family together. Invite your ex in for a cup of coffee when she is dropping off the kids or he is picking them up.