Most people end up in court because they cannot resolve conflicts. What follows is a simple process to consider for resolving conflicts with whomever you have a dispute with:
- Identify the problem
- Don’t blame.
- Restate the problem from the other person’s perspective.
- Write down the agreed upon statement of the problem.
- Brainstorm lots of solutions. Hold off on evaluating good from bad.
- Alternate eliminating the one you like the least.
- Keep solutions you may not like but could live with.
- Stop when you have it narrowed down to a few.
- Find a solution. It might be one or a combination.
- Don’t let the disagreement drag on; come to an agreed upon solution even if you really think it is merely “adequate”. Adequate is good. A good settlement is always one that neither party is really happy with.
- Make sure you understand the details (who, what, where, when, and why). Write it down.
- Agree to disagree, if necessary and decide how to deal with your disagreement. (Mediation, Court, try again later, different mediator, let someone else decide, radical acceptance)
- Move forward past the disagreement.
- Find ways to make it work. Commit to the plan.
- When problems occur, work together to modify the plan or seek help.